I remember the first time we met. It was like you were made for me. I was in love with your friend, hi5, and the relationship was not strained. But you came along and I saw what I have been missing. You were smarter, and knows how to satisfy me more. I tried to make your friend see reasons why she should start getting smart, like you, tried to make her see that her ways were old, we are not in the 90’s anymore. At least she should change her clothes, and maybe her scent. But she was too rigid, she wouldn’t listen.
So like they say in my country, and I think in every other civilized world, “its bros before hos”. My bros(friends) pressured me and I finally left her for you, and since then, the relationship has been sweet, flowers and paradise, until recently.
You have a sister called called twitter, and although I didn’t see anything wrong with you, you always think she is more beautiful than you do. When you decided to have your first plastic surgery, you told me about it, said it’s nothing serious and I went through it with you. And truthfully, it was a success, I loved you more after than before. Maybe you thought it was cool, so you decided to have other surgeries without consulting me. And yes you did have other surgeries, you’ve definitely been there done that: face lift, tummy tuck, breast enlargement, and some other ones that are too sexually explicit to mention. Funny enough, all my friends, or at least a higher percentage thought you were doing well with these surgeries, but for me, you were beginning to look like crap. The more you want to look like your sister, twitter, the more bogus you become. The more bogus you become, the less I found you interesting. It’s true that your sister, twitter is beautiful, I have seen her and wow, she is really beautiful, but her beauty is not in her voluminosity, its rather in her simplicity.
I guess she learnt a lot from your distant cousins, google and youtube. She knew she must be simple and easy to understand, if she is to attract men like me. She knew with time, other people will come to love her simplicity, just like they love your cousins. She knew what simplicity could make her achieve, and she makes herself easily understandable. That is what you were, that is the facebook I loved. But this facebook I am seeing now, to quote a popular Nigerian musician “….is not the girl I used to know, she’s a shadow of herself.”.
The most interesting thing is, my friends who pushed me away from hi5, all seems not to see that you have changed. They all seem to love the new you, and I am like an island. The only few that ventured to even visit your sister with me, got glued and understood me better, but the higher percentage won’t even stop to catch a breadth while all they do is sing your love songs.
And just like your friend hi5, you seem not to miss me. Not immediately I left her anyway. And right now, you seem not to miss me too. I disappear sometimes for a whole week, and when I come back, nothing seems to have changed. Its still the same old you, changing your looks faster than Michael Jackson, and the same old friends singing your boring love songs. Now to me you seems like a movie playing at 1-frame per day. I could be gone for a week and still not miss anything.
Anyway, I don’t want to cheat on you, so I am writing you this letter. This song says it all.
Dear facebook
How I hate to write
Dear facebook
I must let you know tonight
That my love for you has died away
Like grass upon the lawn
And tonight I wed another, twitter.